All This Time
by Rashomon Aetelier
Summary: All this time, this is what he wanted: freedom from the pain, the hurt, freedom from a love that could never be. [Oneshot, onesided SxY, implied YYxY, Seto POV, REPOSTED]


**Disclaimer**: If I owned YuGiOh, there would be no reason for me to write this fic. Italicized words come from a song by Vertical Horizon, just the first verse at least.

**Author's Note**: This is a sequel to Feeling of Belonging which I suppose would be a sequel to Michiyuki. And there will be a sequel to this, I guess. Depends if I get inspired enough to write it. What is it with me and writing wangsty!Seto?

All This Time

_

* * *

I'm here, wide awake again_

_This fear is something I call a friend_

Again, I wake to the darkness of my room, pulled unbidden from sleep by countless dreams I'd rather not remember. There were snatches of the dream past, that of he and I in another time. But there are other scenes as well. Closing my eyes, I see them in my mind's eye and am forced to relive the pain over and over. I see that kiss even in my dreams. I see him in his other self's embrace. Over and over, as if these memories had nothing better to do than to torture me. I see the sheer pleasure he has when his other self touches him, just in that embrace and in that kiss. Over and over, as if it were a video that wouldn't stop playing. I try to catch my breath as I sit up, staring into nothingness as my fingers reach up to massage my temples. This time, I feel I have no need to wonder where he is or if he too is plagued by dreams. Something in me tells me that he lies safe and warm in the arms of his other self. I feel my nails digging into my fist as I stare on into the darkness. A trickle of sunlight tries to enter my room. The curtains block it. I don't need the alarm clock that goes off to know it's morning.

_Hello again_

The limousine lets me off. I walk on to the classroom. The same thing as always: people walk past in a hurry, some turn to look my way, others ignore me completely. Nothing has changed for the world though things have around me. I've made up my mind. I want the dreams to stop, I want the pain to end. You can only push a man so far, I can say. I've been pushed far enough. I hear his voice call to me. Inwardly, I wonder if I should stop and walk with him to class or if I should just walk on and act as if I never heard a thing. Well, perhaps I should play the old game I have in the past. I ignore him. I walk on. If he has the so-called "King of Games" in him then he should be able to win this game; this one where I keep the face I have for so long and win me over again.

I walk on, ignoring him as he continues to call for me. I hear a hesitation in his voice. Perhaps he thinks he isn't calling loud enough. I wonder though why he tries so hard. His friends are there. Won't they start to wonder why he's taken so much effort in trying to catch my attention? I hear footsteps behind me. He's chasing after me. I stop. There he is, trying to catch his breath behind me. He smiles up at me, glad to see that he's finally been able to catch my attention. I pause and see that infuriating golden puzzle around his neck. I turn away and walk on, this time completely ignoring his calls.

_It's been awhile since I saw you here_

_I don't remember you saying goodbye_

I keep It up as I go through class. Ignoring him, ignoring every attempt he has on contacting me. Is this how the world would be without him? It seems the same… somewhat empty but the same as always. Perhaps the same as things were before our chance meeting. That duel meant everything… the start of everything… perhaps the end of everything as well. The day passes on without a change. I feel his eyes on me throughout the day. I know he's trying to call my attention, trying to speak to me. He knows I saw what I did, that kiss, the one he shared with his other self. I suppose he wanted to explain what I saw.

I had no need to hear him out. It was perfectly understandable. I could see that there was no space for me, no place for me there. Someone had claimed his heart, mind and body. I didn't need his presence or his explanations. I didn't need him. As far as I knew, I didn't need him… or rather, I didn't want to need him anymore.

I watch him as he walks on after class. He's stopped running, just walking on with those amethyst eyes turned to the ground and his hands on the straps of his backpack. He seems almost pitiful as he walks. I stop. I turn and wait for him to come to me. This was the only chance I had left. He looks up at me with the smallest hint of shock in his eyes. That shock turns to gratitude as his arms move around my neck. I close my eyes, giving in to the sweet embrace for what seems to be the last time. He pulls away when I don't return it. My name falls from his lips in a whisper. I turn away again. It ends now.

_No_

I don't want to know if he cries as I leave him. If I turn away, I might be forced to take him into my arms once more and take back what I've said. I feel another presence join him; his other self has come to comfort him. How fitting. That's it. Cry in the arms of the one you truly love. I won't get inbetween you now. You both can be happy with each other. I can feel those crimson eyes turned my way. Yes, hate me even more now for hurting him. It's evident that it's you he wants. I have no place there in that little heaven you've created for him. Perhaps you can teach him to hate me as well. That would be for the best. The others I'm sure have come to him as well. I can here Anzu asking Yugi who made him cry. I can hear them holding back that stray dog. Yes, you can only push a man so far. I suppose I've been pushed far enough. I say nothing, I don't even turn their way as I get into the limousine. The faster I get away the better.

_It don't matter its over_

_Here I've been waiting _

_All my life, all this time_

Mentally, I debate whether or not I should purge myself of everything that bound me to him. That would include deleting what seemed to be at least several megabytes of video that covered our duels and all information on him. Just to erase him ever being a part of me… a part of me I wanted to keep. I hate seeing him in the arms of his other self even though I know it is inevitable. I don't even flinch as I pass his grandfather's game shop. Perhaps when he gets home, he'll lie in the arms of his beloved once more. Only he can soothe the tears I bring. As I close my eyes, I see that kiss play once more in my head. I see him in the arms of his other self. I see the love he has for him. My eyes narrow as I open them. Why plague me further with the sight of the thing I wish to purge from my very existence? It's over. It always will be. He can be happy with his other self now. He doesn't need me.

Perhaps when I go to bed, the visions will end. Perhaps tonight, I can get a good night's sleep without dreams I don't wish to have and visions I don't wish to see. Perhaps this is where I finally can get silence.

When I wake the next morning…

My pillow is damp.

My sheets are as cold as they've always been.

_It don't matter its over_

_Here I've been waiting _

All my life, all this time

* * *

-OWARI- 

All flames will be used to keep Malik happy with roasted marshmallows.

This is a ONESHOT. I don't want geniuses leaving a plea to UPDATE.


End file.
